<![CDATA[ Two AM High Thoughts. - Blog]]>Tue, 23 Feb 2016 15:22:40 -0800Weebly<![CDATA[So strong.]]>Tue, 09 Feb 2016 22:15:26 GMThttp://twoamhighthoughts.weebly.com/blog/so-strongI love you means that I accept you for who you are. I accept you for everything you do and everything you feel.
I accept you completely because I love you.
This beautiful soul I know.
That's the type of love I have for him.
I mean ya he's different but have you ever noticed how he holds onto the sun by a string and how it's like he runs around the world and back in one day just to experience the most that he can.
How he doesn't fit into the void of what society defines normal.
How he doesn't act the way that the world wants every human being to act.
How he thinks outside of the box.
Has his own ideas, his own mind set as to what love is.
What peace is.
What happiness is.
Boy he's trouble.
Hes reckless at times, but only when it seems fun to be.
Only when we feel we have a purpose to be so.
He can bring the crowd up and never wants to come down.
There are so many things I could say about him.
He is beautiful beyond belief and even more beautiful for the simplest factor that he has no idea just how beautiful he truly is.
He's a remarkable baby boy and it's tragic that he can't see that.
He loves so deeply.
cares so freely.
He holds his heart on his shoulder hoping that the world won't knock it off.
When he smiles with a grin that makes every one feel warm.
If only for a moment he makes their world a better place to be.
He make my world a better place every second of being in it.
And I'm having the most difficult time trying to cope with him not being in mine.

<![CDATA[What if?]]>Mon, 01 Feb 2016 01:01:43 GMThttp://twoamhighthoughts.weebly.com/blog/what-if
If I told you that I could give you love, would you break the walls around your heart?
What if I told you that I want to wake up to your beautiful eyes and breathe in my day as I watch your smile climb upon your cheeks.
As I feel the touch of your hand sliding naturally over my body.
As i feel the warmth of your lips while my fingers run slowly through your hair. 
What if I told you that I want to spend my days holding your hand and telling you about my world. 
Wanting to get to know every corner and hidden place inside of you.
Wanting to kiss you in public and meet the friends.
Wanting to be a part of your world, a part you are proud to call yours. 
What if I told you I want to spend my nights learning every thing that makes you squirm, smile, scream and love.
Wanting to moan your name as you explore me, all of me.
Wanting to kiss with such passion it warms my whole body and makes my head go dizzy.
​Wanting to fall asleep knowing that when morning comes and the sun is high in the sky, I get to wake up and spend my next day of life with you by my side. 
If I told you that I could give you love, would you take it or turn away?
<![CDATA[Getting back to Bekah.]]>Thu, 10 Dec 2015 06:06:41 GMThttp://twoamhighthoughts.weebly.com/blog/getting-back-to-bekahThere is something there. Something hidden deep in side of every person. Something that needs to be recognized. 
Ive ruined a lot of good things in my life and I’ve made a lot of really awful choices. thats something that I have to live with. but I know that deep down inside me I have something to give this world. Something good. Something full of light that will one day burst out of me and make every thing better if only for a moment.
I sit in silence, I sit and wait, for the day that i realize my potential and awaken to the inner beauty that is my soul.
I can’t begin to tell and describe the feelings bottled up inside of me. The past year I have been suffering from depression, depression so bad that i find myself randomly hiding away so that I can cry my tears of pain, anxiety and hate for myself away.
I find myself wanting to disappear because I feel as though I am only but an obstacle in everyones way.
I feel like I never seem to do anything right.
And the worst part is that I know that I am a beautiful, good hearted person but my mind can’t seem to grasp onto what my heart already knows.
Its a battle I live with every day.
It is something that I would never wish on everyone.
Lately I have been working on forgiveness and acceptance.
Because I know what it feels like to be judged based off of the way we speak and the way we look.
I went through my middle school years being bullied for how ugly I was. Through out my high school years I surrounded myself with people that influenced me in all the wrong ways and somewhere in between I lost myself.
I lost who I am.
And that isn’t something that I am proud of, but it is something that I have accepted. I have pushed away all the good in my life and pulled in all the bad. I became the person that judges people based off of their looks and how they act, without any question. I never dared to look a little  bit deeper then the flesh and learn about what makes each and every person beautiful. I lost the part of me that would see a crooked nose or a missing tooth and think how unique and beautiful that persons flaws actually are. How behind every mark is a story and behind every story is a heart that I was a part in breaking because I was to busy taring them down instead of helping them up.
Im not proud of the person that I have been and for that I hate myself everyday.
I am proud of the fact that I see these flaws and these mistakes with in myself and I want to change.
I want to be better.
Saying I want to get back to the person I use to be would be wrong, because every day, every second, every blink of an eye is change.
Beautiful, indescribable change.
So I want to grow into a better person then I ever have been.  
Love is beautiful fear.
Its something that I want to start to spread. I want to see someone and listen to their story with no judgement. I want to know how they got their crooked nose or their chipped tooth. I want to laugh with those that are smiling and make those that are crying smile.
I want to live every day to the full extent of my being.
Even though I struggle with depression every day of my life, I am tired of letting it consume me. Its a hard process and its a lot of work but I hope to overcome everything and to start this upcoming new year off with a bang. My main goal being to get to me.
To get to be me.
The girl that talks in weird unknown accents. The girl that humps the air for no reason, who actually just air humps everything for no reason lol. The girl that puts her heart on her sleeve and gives a piece to everyone that needs it. The girl that isn’t afraid to laugh when she’s happy and is always there for the people that need it not just the people that I know.
I want to become the genuine caring good hearted girl that I know Is hiding deep down inside of me.
​Im patient, because i know that in the end I will get back to Bekah. 
<![CDATA[Wanderers. ]]>Sat, 28 Nov 2015 06:05:37 GMThttp://twoamhighthoughts.weebly.com/blog/wanderersA couple weeks ago I left my parents house out of anger. My mentality was that they are awful people and they don't love me. I put it in my head that I was all alone and everyone was out to get me. I felt defeated and ruined. As though my whole life was shattering. 
Then one evening, I found myself with a beautiful man, lets call him Teddy.  I was spending the day at his place.While sitting on his couch, this moment became the start of a realization. Something I needed, an intervention. I was full of lies, hating myself so much that I wanted to ruin myself. Destroy my being. And he took me in. A lost soul in confusion, he let me stay. He talked to me. And I thought, where are people like you in this world. People that don't judge. People that show love for what it is, raw and unconditional. 
That's when this amazing thing happened, more people like him showed up at the door. 
Now don't think to far into this, but the first night I spent with all these people, we were intoxicated with a little pill called ecstasy. I don't recommend to do drugs, but what can I say? I'm a teenager, i'm in my experimental stage. 
Anyways, back to the story. After my mind became light and my body started to float on air, I started to think more clearly. I realized, why do we spend so much time doubting ourselves and hating on one another. 
There was this girl there, lets call her Kendra. Shes a beautiful soul... God shes beautiful, she doesn't see that though. And I hope one day she does. This girl, she has the voice of an angel and some of the things she says to you. Like the way she talks about life sometimes. About how music just carries her away into utter bliss. Its beautiful. She dances to her own rhythm and it makes her smile. That is true beauty. 
Than there's, um Jackson lol. He's a trip. So funny back story, I actually met Jackson through a friend I was playing wing woman for. While he played wing man for his boy, Sitting at a ihop at 4 am. He didn't bother to say one word to me and made the night a lot more miserable then it had to be. I judged him right off the bat by that, thinking hes a douche bag that only cares about himself and pussy. That wasn't the case though, we got to talking at Teddy's place and I got a little better look into who Jackson really is. And hes pretty amazing. He cares so much for people and he isn't afraid to show his emotions to everyone. He just throws his feelings out there and says fuck it if people don't like it, that's the sexiest thing about him. Hes himself. And that is incredible.
Sasha I guess we can call her, shes someone I hold dear to heart because you can see so much pain in her eyes, but she manages to be the life of the party... You know when a field of flowers is out in the open and it looks beautiful and untouched. Then one day someone mows straight through it. It looks destroyed, but the roots are still there. Then eventually, over time the flowers grow back into a magnificent field. This is when the realization that no matter how many times the man mows over the flowers and destroys them, the roots are still there and they will grow back. That is Sasha. She is a beautiful flower field that keeps getting destroyed but always finds a way to grow back. The sad part is that every time its mowed over, it makes it harder to grow back. You can see time wearing her down. This innocent 18 yr old beauty, so young yet dying because she needs help. God I wish I could do more to help her. 
So many of these people intrigued me and taught me things I needed to learn. I spent only a week there but It changed me. 

The wanderers.

A misfit group of old souls that are traveling through life by the way of love. A group of youngsters that haven't yet found themselves, yet aren't completely lost. 
I guess once you spend time with the wanderers you never forget. 
You never forget that there are others out there too. 
Others that have pain inside them, but they don't allow it to take over. 
So don't. 
Just be free.
Just Wander.


<![CDATA[The meaning of Forever...]]>Thu, 19 Nov 2015 06:05:55 GMThttp://twoamhighthoughts.weebly.com/blog/the-meaning-of-foreverThe things that you see. The things that you do, you taste, you smell. Every hateful thing that has happened and every act of love, kindness and forgiveness...they last forever. Well yes, we will all die one day, but your spirit will live on and become a butterfly or a fish or a baby girl with a broken heart.
 But somewhere in the back of their minds, in the depths of their soul, that is where you will find your memories. Buried away in the back of a soul that is no longer you, but is you in ways. 
A soul that seems familiar to you, but isn't you. 
But at one point in time that soul was you, so the memories still exist, they're just unseen. So we really should make the best of our moments, considering they are forever. 
It's my long, obnoxious way of saying don't be so safe all the time. 
Don't over think everything. Just do it. 
Switch sides of the road. 
Take a right turn leading into dark unknown forests. 
Sneak out of the house and kiss a few boys or girls. 
Sneak in, in the morning and miss first period. 
Smoke a bowl with the windows down going 30 miles over.
Burn your hand lighting a cigarette for a pretty girl.
Jump out of a plane and risk it all to feel it all. 
Lose your virginity, don't save it till your old and tired.
Have sex with men that make you feel like, like a woman...make you feel...alive. 
Get drunk on Boulevard and kiss a random stranger. 
Lose yourself in life and let it sway the way it should.
Float for once. 
Because if we aren't willing to make better memories for the soul to carry on when our time is up,.. 
Then why even bother with time?  ]]>